Saturday, July 9, 2011

PRIDE, by Chizzle

~Pride, by Chizzle, website
This is not a vent.
But rather a statement.

All those words there, have been said to me.
And I'm sure that every other homosexual has heard them too.

To share a personal experience with you guys,
When I was at my old school before I switched, [I switched because of the bullying mind you.]
I was just simply walking to the bookshelf, And this one boy,
Cody was his name,
Tripped me and pushed me into a desk, "You're such a faggot Lauren!"
And hearing the laughter.

Locking Sean in a locker because he was telling me how I am a runaway for deciding to go to Cony. [Cony is the new, much more accepting and better school I now attend.]

Having Alex yell at me from across the schoolyard how I am a witch and that I'm going to hell.

Getting looks from the neighbors whenever I say "my girl,"

Having Cassandra back away from me when I hugged her after she found out my sexuality.

Having my own mother tell me that if I cut my hair any shorter, I'd look like a boy. 

Going to the store to buy clothes, and having my mother forcing me to get girl clothes- not guy clothes.

Sitting at the table crying, telling my mother I like girls.

Getting a text at 9:30 from my 17 year old brother telling me I am hopeless and that I'm not a lesbian and that it's just a phase.

Having my father not believe me.

However...
To every person out there reading this who goes through the same thing-
You are not alone.
You, are seriously amazing. 
You have stayed strong through it all.
You don't back down.
You have pride.

And, I'm sure you guys notice the cuts on the arms there of course.
Okay I'm gonna confess.
I've been cutting for 1 year and 3 months.
Started in early April last year.
Last time I did it was 3 weeks ago.
Last time I wanted to do it was a week ago.
But does anyone know my reason for trying to quit?
That would be my girl.
Now on a personal level of this description, 
Thank you Nicole. You've been my motivation for trying to set it aside.

You know guys,
Nicole told me something once;
"You don't lose when you do it. You lose when you want to do it."

She's a brilliant girl.
And guess what?
I love her.

I've grown to accept my love for her,
In the sense of,
I am in love with a girl.
And yeah.
Guess what;
Those words don't get to me as much anymore.
And I have a little something called...
Pride.

No comments:

Post a Comment