Tuesday, October 25, 2011

MONSTERS, by Jessica S.

I'd like to thank you all
for the pain you've caused,
for what you've done to me,
and for ruining my life.

Everyone I see,
I cannot trust.
what you've done to me
is stuck inside of me,
unable to leave.
It itches to retreat,
but like a lock on a chest,
it cannot leave.

You're my worst nightmare turned real,
an army of monsters,
heading straight for me.
I can't wake up from this,
it won't go away.
It's stuck here with me,
as I silently pray for mercy,
and for the monsters to retreat.

They take all they can,
my dignity, my peace, and will not listen to my pleas.
I beg the monsters to leave,
but they continue to eat away at me.

The struggle continues,
nobody is there to help me.
The monsters will not leave,
until I admit to defeat.

The time passes by,
and they still refuse to leave.
Now,
there's nothing I can do,
but raise a white flag in shock and disbelief.

My image is distorted,
I don't know who I am.
I barely recognize that woman.
Pale, tired, old,
keeping her story from being told.
Her scars clearly show,
full of wonder and full of woes.

She wants to let go,
no longer willing to fight.
As time goes by,
she slowly dies,
wanting to let out a cry.

The monsters have succeeded,
like cold blooded killers,
and ended her life.

~Monsters, by Jessica S.
"Every day, like many others, I was targeted, terrorized, and ignored by 30 or more other students for ten consecutive years - from 2nd grade to 12th grade.  My self esteem plummeted throughout those years due to the nature of these attacks.  I was bullied for my profound interests in paleontology, meteorology, and equines.  They targeted my personality and looks, calling me ugly and bullying me for being shy.  They sometimes followed me everywhere I went while at school, waiting for a moment to embarrass me in front of everyone - even in the bathroom.  Whenever I spoke up, my feelings and emotional needs were ignored by teachers, principals, and guidance counselors alike.

"I began this poem late one evening after seeing one of the people who had bullied me quite often.  It brought back the memories and the pain, and reminded me of why I feel uncomfortable in social situations and trusting others.  Despite that I now have control over my own life, there will always be a little kid inside of me wishing for friends to play games with, and someone to talk to.  The 'monsters' represent both those who tortured me and ignored me.  And while my life has not truly ended - there will always be a part of me that has changed as a result of being bullied for so long, which is what the last three stanzas represent.

"Stay strong, and never let what they did to you rule you."  

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