Thursday, October 18, 2012

MY LIFE, by Madelyn Miller

Looking at me,
All that you see
Is a strong girl
One who doesn’t care what everyone else thinks

She acts like she is okay with people talking behind her back
Like the whispers and the looks and the attitudes don’t bother her
And often, she believes her own lie

But then something comes along
And it lets her remember the hurt and the pain
The self-conciseness and doubt

She spends days thinking about that one event
Mulling it over in her mind
Until she finally begins to believe that it doesn’t bother her

But then, months later
When she recalls the moment
And the dull pain again seeps through until she again suppresses it

She will not cry
Because that means they win
They then have control, and there is nothing she can do

She just wants the pain to stop
To not be afraid to fall apart
To not constantly worry about how long she can go without releasing these emotions

She tries to share
But her family doesn’t understand
And her friends can’t help

So she sits silently in her emotions
Keeping them as locked away as possible
So no one will know the truth

She believes one day it will end
That the place won’t last forever
That it can’t last forever

This girl is me
This girl has been me for as long as I can remember
And when I look to the future, this girl is still me
Because they have made me this way

~My Life, by Madelyn Miller
"I originally wrote this during one of my rare episodes of breaking down. I try not to, but sometimes, you just cannot help it. When I wrote it, I finally began to understand just who I am and why I do the things I do. It allowed me a place to finally release what I already knew; I'm not as strong as I think I am. These experiences, I believe, have made me they type of writer I am today. They fuel my work, and before this, I did not even realize it. I hope that others can find hope in these lines, in these words, and see that while it may have happened or may be happening, you will rise above it, because even if you are not strong, you are stronger than them."

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