More than physical pain or abuse,
Words hurt you, tear up your insides.
Words like ugly, heifer, fatty,
Thrown in your face day after day
Can cause you spiraling in many ways.
For me, I dove into depression,
Wrapped it around me tight,
Like an invisibility cloak.
I wanted to speak, to shout,
The words just wouldn’t come out.
I wanted help but I couldn’t find the words.
Before, I expressed feelings eloquently,
Now, the words I could muster were,
“I’m okay” or “I hurt.”
Not the whys or hows,
I couldn’t figure out how to say
“I’m drowning and watching you breathe,
I wake up every morning disappointed to be alive,
I hurt myself so I can feel anything else,
Something other than the pain inside.
I want someone to help, to know why,
I wonder why you can’t see the pain in my eyes.”
I couldn’t say any of it,
I didn’t know how,
I barely know now.
Those years of depression, my lack of words,
I still have the scars conveying my pain,
I wish I could erase them, wash away the stain,
Like I wish I could erase the scars you made on my heart.
I already knew I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough,
You didn’t have to dig a bigger wound,
You words cut deep, harsh,
I took your words to heart,
In a way, I made them a piece of art.
My pain was clear with the spilling of red, viscous liquid,
Some days I almost never spoke.
My silence was my cry for help,
Because I love to speak words, even if I don’t know them.
Your words tore me down to the barest of foundations,
I built myself up little by little.
It took years, almost my life,
Four years later, I bear my scars and yours,
On my body and on my soul.
You can’t take back your words,
I can’t take back the harm.
The cause of it all?
A few simple words.
~Words Hurt, by Falon Beere