Wednesday, February 5, 2014

THE QUIET GIRL, by Kaitlyn

To tell everyone the truth with honesty, no lies.
I have been starving myself, not enough to die.
But to be skinnier and fit in my jeans.
No it does not harm me, no it does not hurt.
But it does make me stay up all night and sleep all day while my parents are at work.
I am fat, do not say no.
I know the truth when I look in the mirror, when I taste food in my mouth and throat.
Do not stop me, it will never cease.
Because it's more like a terrible disease.
Do not judge me, do not hate.
Will you just bash me over one little mistake?
My arms are weak, my feelings are numb.
I do not blame you for the battle, my bulimia has won.

The cuts and scars up my arms, to my ankles up to my thighs.
They bleed very slowly just until I die.
They do not hurt or cause any pain.
Don't worry about me, things will still be the same.
The only change that will happen is something coming soon.
It will be when I end up on the bathroom floor, crying while I cut myself to the very doom.
Happy songs play in my head while I am soon to drown.
From the blood flowing, from my body to the ground.
Tears in my eyes and blood on the razor, I do not feel anything except for my killing pleasure.
The blood has declined flowing, the tears have stopped dropping.
As you heard my final whimpers go to a stopping.
Do not be sad, do not be mad.
It was not your fault, it was my sanity.
Finally coming to a hault.

~The Quiet Girl, by Kaitlyn
"This was part of my life experience of what I used to go through. I would starve myself and cut myself just to relieve all the other pain and stress. Last time I cut was back in July and the last time I starved myself was in August. The reason why I started was because I was verbally and physically bullied at school, the teachers wouldn't help. I started starving myself to be skinnier and I started cutting to try to die. One time I took a whole bottle of pills to die and it never worked so that's why I went on to cutting. I have mild depression so that means I get upset very easily and go into a rough state quickly. I have suicidal thoughts but when I was younger, I about hung myself. It was a terrible time for me, especially when my best friend just died of suicide at that moment. The reason why I stopped was because I found this band, Blood on the Dance Floor, it's a band about suicide, bullying, and freedom. Dahvie Vanity and Jayy Von Monroe have taught me that your always going to be judged and bullied for being who you truly are so might as well express yourself. I may only be 13 years old but even kids younger than me are already dead from suicide. Think twice before you roll the dice and make the first slice..."

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